Harry Potter and the Castle of Secrets
by CherrySodaChocolateMilk
Summary: Ron/Hermione romance finally!!! Ron is kidnaped *Gasp*. Will Harry and Hermione be able to save him from *dun dun dun* the Castle of Secrets? *Chap 4 now reformatted, sorry about how it was before*
1. Chapta 1!

DISCLAIMER: If we owned this we'd not be on fanfiction right now. We would be building Spacre Mountains in our back yard.  
  
Authors' Not: Our fic so be gentle to our delicate hearts. By the way two people are writing this.  
  
Chapter 1 The Confrontation  
  
In History of Magic class one really hot spring day, Ron, Harry, Hermione, and the rest of the class was trying to stay awake. Professor Binns annoying monotonous voice was putting them all into dreamland.  
  
Ron and Hermione's heads were rested on their table and Harry was leaning back in his chair looking out the window. He absentmindedly said, "Oi look there's a birdy!"  
  
Ron and Hermione stared at each other with raised eyebrows. Ron said, "I think Harry's in love with the birdy." Hermione laughed.  
  
She looked at Harry who was still staring at the birdy and told Ron, "Giggle, giggle, blush, blush."  
  
"Huh?" said Ron.  
  
"Huh?" said Harry, looking away from the birdy.  
  
"Huh?" asked Hermione who had started the whole thing.  
  
"What the hell?" questioned Ron.  
  
Professor Binns heard them (he had pretty good hearing for a ghost), "Now, now kids, no profanity!" He scanned the trio's faces, "Harry, up front, no more talking."  
  
Hermione turned to Ron, "I can't believe you got me in trouble!"  
  
"You don't like profanity do you.... damn, damn, damn, damn, shit, shit, shit..."  
  
"Ron!" Hermione hissed.  
  
"Mr. Wesley! Miss Granger! Out in the hallway! Right now! Ten points from Gryffindor." Professor Binns had heard them, and if his face would've been bright red, if it wasn't transparent.  
  
Ron and Hermione picked up their stuff and walked out into the hallway. Hermione narrowed her eyes and snapped, "Ron I can't believe you did that!"  
  
"Oh come on, you have to admit it was funny!" Ron laughed himself.  
  
"I give up, at least we're out of that stuffy classroom." Hermione replied.  
  
At that moment, the bell rang and the two of them started walking down the hallway to the main staircase. Suddenly they both stopped and looked at each other. Ron opened and closed his mouth a few time, kinda like a goldfish and Hermione took a few deep breaths, finally at the same time they said, "I-I have something to ask you."  
  
They both said, "You first."  
  
Again, at the same time, they asked, "W-Will y-you g-go o-o-out w-with m-m- m-me?"  
  
"YES!" They both squealed, "Where?" Hermione laughed at this, because they were repeating each other. It reminded her of a muggle game, where people would say 'jinx.'  
  
"ASTRONOMY TOWER!" they shouted.  
  
"Nine?" Ron asked.  
  
"Yes, bye, I have to go to Arithmacy."  
  
"Divination, bye!"  
  
They looked at each other, and blushed and ran up their separate ways.  
  
Ron plopped down next to Harry, "I did it!" He said triumphantly.  
  
"You did it! But I was suppose to be first!" Harry looked highly offended.  
  
"What- what're you talking about?" Ron looked very puzzled.  
  
"Who was it with? Hermione? No, I bet it was Parvarti."  
  
"No I asked, ooh! No, I didn't do it with Hermione... yet."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I mean, I... I asked Hermione out! And she said yes!" Ron smiled at his friend.  
  
"That's great! Promise I'll be first?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I dunno, my stupid self-esteem."  
  
"Yeah, sure, you can be first, Harry." Ron said.  
  
"Good." Harry beamed. "Oi look there's another birdy!"  
  
Hermione got to Arithmacy late and sat next to Parvarti's twin sister, Padma. She sighed dreamily and stared off into space. Then she realized what she was doing and started to copy down notes that Professor Vector was writing on the boards.  
  
At the end of the class, she looked over her notes and her mouth fell open. For the paper read:  
  
Ron, Ron, Ron. Hermione Weasley. Mrs. Ron Weasley. Mrs. Hermione Ron Weasley Granger. Ron, Ron, Ron. I love Ron! Mrs. Hermione Weasley. Hermione Weasley....  
  
And so on and so forth. 


	2. Chapta 2!

Disclaimer: Things Cherry Soda and Chocolate Milk would be doing right now if we own aboslutly anything in this story: Go to Disney World Buy the beverage of our choices (Guess what that would be!) Go to Disney World Make a fountain that pours out the beverage of our choices Go to Disney World Buy Space Mountain Go to Disney World Buy computer stuff Go to Disney World  
  
Authors Note: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! We update as frequently as posible.  
Chapter 2 The Astronomy Tower  
  
Ron and Hermione met up in the common room at nine. Hermione had her hair half up half down (for once) and Ron looked... like Ron. Hermione had an elegant black dress and white sweater. She had turquoise jewelry on and black sandals with very cool straps.  
  
Ron had navy blue dress shirt and black pants. He even left the top buttons on his shirt open, and when Hermione saw that she blushed. He had men's dress shoes on.  
  
It's a tradition in the Gryffidor common room to whistle and make a big deal when people go out on dates late at night. But at first people just stared when Hermione and Ron came down, then Lavander said, "It's about time!" and the common room broke out into a loud whistles, hooting, and clapping, Harry the loudest among the group. Well, Seamus was whooping.  
  
Before they left, Harry went up to Ron, "I'm first, remember." Hermione raised her eyebrows in question and Harry winked.  
  
Hermione and Ron climbed out the portrait hole and looked at each other. "You... look... uh, sex- uh, pretty." Ron stuttered. Hermione blushed deeply. "You too, no, I mean handsome." Hermione replied. Now Ron blushed. (A/N they do a lot of blushing). Ron took Herman's hand, and he noticed she looked very nervous. They headed up to the Astronomy Tower.  
  
They talked about little until they arrived and when they did, they just looked at each other. As if to say, what am I suppose to do now.  
  
Hermione being the brilliant one conger up two lawns chairs, a table, and a pitcher of cherry soda. She added wineglasses as a finishing touch. Ron smiled, "Hermione the perfect prefect!"  
  
Hermione smiled, "T-Thanks, I think."  
  
"It was a compliment!"  
  
The sat down on the lawn chairs and looked at the stars and talked about how cool they looked. They felt very sophisticated and romantic drinking cherry soda with, yes, a little bit of alcohol out of wine glasses, sitting in lawn chairs, on a roof, looking at the stars. After about an hour, the soda was gone. Ron sat up and looked over the roof at the lake. He said, "Hermione look, the squid is swimming around the lake."  
  
Hermione sat up too, "This is fun, we should do this more often." (A/N they are both sober, it was a very tiny bit of alcohol)  
  
Ron looked at Hermione; "I have something to tell you."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Uh, Her...'Mione... I l-l-liked you since first year." Good thing it was dark otherwise Hermione might have thought that Roan's face was on fire. Hermione smiled sweetly though, leaned over to kiss him, but knocked into the empty cherry soda piture, and they laughed.  
  
"I liked you too. I still do of course." She said.  
  
Hermione and Ron were both laughing and grinning at Herman's clumsiness. And the happiness of getting the news off their chest. Hermione leaned over again, and this time got it right.  
  
They broke apart and Ron muttered something that sounded like, "Seven damn years." So they made out for the next half-hour. Being as exhausted as they were they just talked and smiled. Hermione sat down on Roan's lawn chair.  
  
"Er, Hermione?"  
  
"Yes, Ron?"  
  
"I um, er, uh, have to take a piss." Ron muttered.  
  
"What?!" Hermione gasped.  
  
"Uh, what exactly don't you understand about that?" Ron said.  
  
"My God, hurry up." Hermione snapped.  
  
"OK, thanks, never mind, forget it." Ron got up and headed to the other side of the tower.  
  
"Ron! I thought you were going to go inside a bathroom." Hermione muttered.  
  
"You told me to hurry up!" He shouted. She heard a trickling sound from the other side. Then Hermione heard muttering and moaning, and then she heard someone whisper something.  
  
"Ron! What's going on? You're so obnoxious." She said nervously. She heard a louder moan. She heard someone yell.  
  
Hermione was panicking, "RON!" She screamed.  
  
Shaking Hermione got to her feet and walked over to where Ron was... except he wasn't on the roof.  
  
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" In the distance she saw a weird shape that she couldn't make out, then she noticed that it was a Hippogriff.  
  
Author's note: WOOOooo. Big cliff hanger. Hippogriff! Talk about irony! 


	3. Chapta 3!

Authors' Note: We (at least CS) were expecting more reviews. *gasp* Oh well, ust to let you know, Ron didn't piss on a Hippogriff even though that would be very funny. Any way here's a little story: Our computers sucked. It took us monthes to get document manager working. Meanwhile we wrote three chapters of this story. When we finally got it working, we put up the chapters separately to get some reviews, to hold the suspence, etc. So now we have to go over eachother's houses to write the story. So it will now take even longer to write the reviews. ( Enjoy... (God, I sound like a waiter!)  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or anything eles. We just own Picardo, but he doesn't count.  
Chapter 3 THE SECRET OF GINNY AND HARRY  
The hippogriff continued to fly off into the distance and Hermione stood there open mouthed watching it. Then all of a sudden she let out a bloodcurdling scream and started to run around the roof frantically.  
  
She stopped and caught her breath. Hermione, she thought, this isn't working. Ron was turned into a hippogriff and running around like a spastic chicken won't solve anything. No, wait, Ron can't transfigure himself, he can't transfigure a frog to a toad... so that means. he was HIPPOGRIFF- NAPPED! (She means kidnapped)  
  
She ran down the four flights of stair. Into the common room, she burst through the portrait hole to find the Gryfindoors relaxing. She search frantically to find Harry. And she noticed him lying on top of Ginny and they were making out passionately, and a very disturbed Colin Creevey was standing next to them.  
  
Hermione ran towards them and then she stopped and suddenly said, "Eww! Ginny, get your tongue out of Harry's mouth, I need to talk to him."  
  
Suddenly Harry bit Ginny, accidentally of course, and Ginny sat straight up. "Hermione," Harry said, "We're sort of in the middle of something here."  
  
"Yes, but this is important!" Hermione protested.  
  
"Yeah, and so is this," Harry explained.  
  
Ron has been kidnapped! If that's not more important then being 'first' then you have real problems!" Hermione snapped.  
  
Ginny's eyes grew really wide, "Ron's been kidnapped?!"  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"By who?" asked Harry.  
  
"A hippogriff."  
  
"Hermione, is this some kind of sick joke?"  
  
"No!" Hermione said outraged. Since Hermione screamed the whole common room grew silent and they realized that Ron wasn't with her.  
  
"Ooooh! Where's Ron?" Seamus teased.  
  
"He must've had the air blown out of him by now," Dean joked.  
  
"He must be erecting off the roof," A sixth year said.  
  
"Well- no not exactly, he's... he's," Then Hermione burst out into tears and they all looked at her with odd expressions on their faces.  
  
Lavender got all sympathetic, "Aww, Hermione, did Ron try something on you and you weren't ready?"  
  
Finally, Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled Harry off Ginny, "Let's go Harry."  
  
Harry wouldn't let go of Ginny so she went along too.  
  
Hermione, Harry, and Ginny arrived at the Gargoyle guarding Dumbledoor's office moments later.  
  
Hermione muttered, "Lemon drops?"  
  
Harry said, "Twinkies?"  
  
Ginny cleared her throat, "Mac and Cheese?"  
  
"Sugar quills?"  
  
"Bernie Botts Every-Flavored Beans?"  
  
"Reeses?"  
  
"Chicken Pops?"  
  
Ginny shouted in exasperation, "Oh, go fuck yourself!"  
  
Then suddenly the door opened and the three just looked at each other and entered.  
  
They reached the door to Dumbledoor's office and they heard Opera music from inside and then Dumbledoor singing, "Pacardo he-ee was my friend. And then he took my sweetums and fucked her till she cried!"  
  
Harry suddenly burst through the door, "Professor, I'm sorry to, er, disturb you, but we have a problem."  
  
Ginny muttered, "And obviously you do too."  
  
"Ron's been kidnapped!" Hermione screamed.  
  
The Head Master turned down the music with questionable lyrics.  
  
"Kidnapped? Are you sure?"  
  
Hermione sighed, "No, I just saw a hippogriff fly away and he had disappeared."  
  
"Well, we'll have the teachers search the premises. Mr. Potter, Miss Weasley, I need to talk to Miss Granger alone, please wait on the stair case."  
  
"Sure!" Harry grinned and grabbed Ginny dragging her out of the office.  
  
"Miss Granger, where were you when it happened?" Dumbledoor asked.  
  
"We were on the roof, of the Astronomy tower," Hermione mumbled.  
  
"What were you doing on the roof?"  
  
"We were, er, talking," Hermione answered.  
  
"Hermione-"  
  
"All right, we were, um, smiling?"  
  
"Now, Miss Granger I need the truth. If not you will be expell-"  
  
"Well all right then! We were... making out!" Hermione bellowed it.  
  
"Excuse me?" Dumbledoor said, "I'm not up to today's lingo."  
  
"Lingo? Oh, um, kissing, snogging, however you want to put it," Hermione's face was bright red.  
  
"Ahh, well at least he didn't fuck you until you cried."  
  
Hermione gaped at him, "Excuse me?"  
  
"Sorry. So anyway what happened after that?"  
  
"He went over to the side of the roof," Hermione explained.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To, uh, look over the edge."  
  
"Hermione..."  
  
"All right! He had to take a piss! It's perfectly normal!"  
  
"Oh, so that was the trickling down my window," Dumbledoor replied.  
  
"OK, right. And then I heard all these moaning noises. Perfectly normal as well," Hermione stated.  
  
"Did you think he was with another woman?"  
  
"No, I thought he was constipated or something. So anyway, then I saw a hippogriff fly away. That's exactly what happened," Hermione answered.  
  
Hermione made her way to the stairs to find Ginny and Harry snogging again. "Can't you guys take anything seriously! I mean really! Ron's been kidnapped and all you two can think about is permanently attaching your tongues."  
  
"I wasn't attaching my tongue to anyone, Hermione. I was comforting Ginny," Harry lied.  
  
Hermione sighed annoyed, "Yeah, sure." 


	4. Chapta 4!

CHAPTER 4  
The Mysterious Piece of Paper  
  
DISCLAIMER: We don't own this. Duh. Not owned my me, not owned by you. Owned by J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. And we don't own Eminem's song "Without Me."  
  
AUTHORS' NOTE: Well here it is numba four!!!!! Our song: (note: don't take this personally, we are on a sugar high.) Yo, Yo, Yo, Go tubular dudes! Guess who's back... back again? Cherry Soda and Chocolate Milk are back... Review again. Read our crap, Review it back. Um..... Deerneerneer Dundundundun Well here is numba four We're gunna kick u out the door We're gunna kick u on the floor I know our song is such a bore But Pansy Parkinson is a whore!  
  
AUTHORS' NOTE 2: So, Chocolate Milk and Cherry Soda were talking about how to spell Parseltongue. Chocolate Milk consulted The Chamber of Secrets book to find it. Parselmouth popped up in the Dueling Club Chapter, and so Chocolate Milk said, "So we'll just put a tongue in the mouth." This was unintentional (we swear! Chocolate Milk did not mean it like that!), that's why it was funny. And if you don't get it then you're a saint.  
  
Now onto Chapter 4!!!!!!!!!  
  
The next day, Dumbledore sent for Harry, Hermione, and Ginny.  
  
"We searched the premises for Ron, we could not find him. But there is one place we have not searched," Dumbledore said.  
  
"What is that, Professor?"  
  
"The Chamber of Secrets," said Dumbledore, "and the only person we can open the Chamber of Secrets is, Harry Potter! So, Harry, I'm going to send you down to the Chamber of Secrets. And the only volunteer was Snape, but I was afraid he would lock you in. So you may pick the student of your choice to go with you."  
  
Harry looked back and fourth between Hermione and Ginny. Well, he thought, it would be nice to have five bloody hours of making out with Ginny, in private. But she may get hurt... and then I'd have no one to snog with. But if a monster's down there and I save her then she'll like me even more. But then again, the risk is to high-  
  
"I'll go with Harry," Hermione suggested.  
  
"Well, splendid then!" Dumbledore said.  
  
That night with McGonagalls permission, Harry and Hermione went down to the girls' bathroom. But unfortunately in order to get to the Chamber they had to go past.... dun dun dun.... Moaning Myrtle  
  
In a seductive tone Myrtle said, "Hiiiii Harry," And then in a monotonous voice, "Granger." Just to acknowledge her presence.  
  
Harry bent his head and muttered, "Hi, Myrtle."  
  
"Harry, how come you haven't been by to see me in a long time?" Myrtle asked.  
  
"Well, um, I've been busy," Harry muttered.  
  
"Yeah, sure I know all about that. The whole world knows about you and... Ginny Weasley... I can't believe you cheated on me, Harry."  
  
Harry sighed, "I would never have a girlfriend who's a ghost."  
  
Hermione nudged him, "I think you should stop now."  
  
Harry glared at her, "No. Myrtle you should know that I don't like you, I was never your boyfriend. My God! After all this time, you'd think you could take a hint!"  
  
But to everyone's surprise, Myrtle didn't cry. "Well, Harry, for you information, I do have a boyfriend. And he's a man!" Myrtle retreated to her stall and came back with Cedric Diggory.  
  
"Cedric!" Hermione gasped.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Harry gasped.  
  
Cedric sighed, "Well, Voldemort thought that my eternity as a ghost would be more torturous here."  
  
Harry and Hermione nodded to each other.  
  
Hermione pointed to the sink and said, "Harry, we'd better get going."  
  
Harry nodded and went over to the sink.  
  
"Open up," Harry said in Parseltongue.  
  
Suddenly the sink went towards Harry, then down. It revealed a man hole.  
  
"Come on, Hermione," Harry said . Then he jumped into the hole. Hermione jumped after him.  
  
When the finally reached the bottom there was a piece of parchment.  
  
Harry said," What the hell is this?"  
  
Hermione said, "Well, Harry, I think this is a piece of parchment."  
  
"Grr," growled Harry, "I know that but what does it do? I should have brought Ginny."  
  
"Harry! It's a fuckin' piece of parchment what do you think it does?"  
  
Suddenly the parchment wrote, "Now, now, kids. No profanity."  
  
Harry said, "This sounds oddly familiar."  
  
Hermione looked at it with curiosity, "Um, parchment, are you Professor Binns?"  
  
"No you, mudblood."  
  
Hermione, overcome with rage, got up and was about to step on it. But Harry pulled her back.  
  
"No, Hermione, we need this!" said Harry. He looked over at the paper and shook is finger (guess which one) "You watch your mouth!"  
  
The paper wrote, "Look, kid, I'm not about to get into the fact that I don't have a mouth, but do you want to save your friend or not?"  
  
"Of course we do!" said Hermione.  
  
The paper wrote," Well, you have to go to the (dun dun dun) Castle of Secrets." 


End file.
